LAKEWISE

Having worked in corporate America for over 20 years, followed by owning my own business for the last 12, working in a Catholic school as the Director of Development is not somewhere I ever expected to be. When it comes to the requirements of the job, I have no issues fulfilling my duties. However, as I find myself interacting with students from Kindergarten through 8th grade, I often wonder how far my knowledge of school discipline truly goes. Do my years of being a mom, coach, and Cub Scout den leader make me an expert? Definitely not, but they certainly give me some experience in the matter.

Since my early days as a peewee soccer coach, I’ve always treated the children I worked with like little adults. After all, they’ll someday become adults, so why not treat them with respect and teach them how to be good humans? I’ve always made an effort to separate the child from their behavior, labeling the behavior as good or bad—not the child.

My office is located right next to the principal’s, making it hard not to notice the students sent to the office—especially the repeat offenders. During my first month, I noticed the same 5th grader visiting four separate times. After the fourth visit, I decided to call him into my office for a talk. As expected, he had a slew of excuses for his behavior, most of which involved blaming others. I let him speak his mind, and then we discussed the importance of taking responsibility for his own actions instead of shifting blame. He eventually opened up and told me the truth, which I appreciated greatly. It isn’t easy to admit to lying, especially to a stranger this child had only just met.

Over the years, my experiences in mentorship and leadership roles have taught me that reward-based incentives can help fragile individuals thrive. I wanted to provide this student with something to motivate him—a reason to do his best—rather than relying on fear of negative consequences to force compliance. After deliberating on possible incentives, I decided a coveted “dress-down card” would be the perfect reward.

Here was the deal: if this student went an entire month without being called to the office, he would receive a dress-down card. Luckily for him, it was the beginning of February, so he only had to make it through 28 days—well, 29 because of the leap year. When I explained the offer, his face lit up, which reassured me that taking the reward-based approach was the right decision.

Days turned into weeks, and February quickly came to an end. When the month was over, I could hardly contain my excitement. I couldn’t wait to talk to him and give him the reward he had earned. When he came to collect his prize, I asked him one simple question: “What did you do differently?” His response—working harder on his homework and avoiding classroom disruptions—was exactly what I had hoped to hear. Both the principal and I were extremely proud of him.

Not only is it important to praise children for good behavior, but it’s equally important to understand the root causes of bad behavior. As the saying goes, you never know what someone is going through. The same notion applies to misunderstood children. Understanding what drives a child’s negative behavior can uncover deeper issues that require attention rather than punishment.

I’m sure some may view my approach as a bribe, to which I say, “To each their own.” In this case, a period of self-reflection was necessary because traditional methods like detentions and missing recess simply weren’t working.

The role of schools and teachers is to help students find their own motivation to learn and behave in socially acceptable ways. Ultimately, what works for one child may not work for another. The success of any educational system depends on finding alternative approaches that account for individual personalities and strengths. From what I’ve observed over the years, punishment is most effective for children who need firm boundaries, while rewards help fragile individuals flourish. The shared responsibility of parents, teachers, and schools is to identify the right strategy for each unique situation.

What are your thoughts on using reward-based incentives versus traditional disciplinary methods in schools? Have you seen an approach that worked particularly well with a child in your life?